Some time ago I met a girl at Loveawake dating site a buddy of mine dated for a few months. I liked her as a friend, but no more because she just couldn’t get control of her mind.
My buddy was more tolerant than I, but after awhile he started to see her less and less. This started to drive her crazy, and that’s when she’d call me.
She’d tell me she hadn’t seen or heard from the night before, convinced that he was out on a date, or with another woman. That wasn’t true I told her, because he was hanging out with me (he was).
But she just couldn’t get control of her mind, and whenever he’d spend some time by herself, she’d start to invent the worst scenarios, all revolving around him with another woman.
The reality was: he just liked to spend some time alone on occasion, and that was that. He wasn’t a womanizer, and while he was pretty good with women, he had no need to constantly date, pickup, or chase after women. He liked to keep his own company from time to time.
Sadly, she couldn’t handle this (they were mismatched, she liked a guy to constantly communicate with her and see her every day) so he reached a point where he couldn’t take her ever increasing accusations anymore and ended it.
While the female mind is prone to this, so is the male mind. When a guy has a crush on a woman, or really likes her, he tends to invent things she’s doing (i.e. seeing another guy) when he doesn’t hear from her. Oftentimes this creates self fulfilling prophecy, and she ends up dumping him because she can’t take the constant worrying.
Sometimes a woman IS seeing another guy, but that does not necessarily mean you should worry. If you’re a man skilled in attraction, you know initial attraction often wears off, and what she thought was attractive soon proves to be a loser. If you’ve been cool the whole time, suddenly you look a lot better when he ain’ the “one,” simply the “next one.”
When it comes to women, you have to make clear minded decisions. That’s one reason women like men is because men can be emotionally calm while a woman’s mind is spinning with probabilities. If you’re calm, she’ll reset to center, but if you’re turbulent, you’ll just add to her turbulence.
Remember, what happens in the moment is rarely predictive of the future, and time and circumstance changes everything. So just because a woman is spending time with her friends, or cancelled a date, or decided to stay home by herself is no reason for you to invent things in your mind.
Be cool, and eventually your coolness will be rewarded.
The agony of hearing these words in the heat of a lively argument with your woman drops your heart in a bucket.
Inadequacy rises in you like a hot flame. You feel like a clueless chump. If you hear these words, you are a clueless chump. You’ve put yourself in a position of futility, because guess what, YOU WILL NEVER “GET” IT.
Listen closely to that statement – YOU WILL NEVER “GET” IT.
You never will figure it out. If your goal is to figure out your woman’s moods, you will always be chasing your tail.
You have believed this equation: If I make her happy, I will get my needs met. So you live to please her and you orbit around her trying to manage her moods, trying to get her to smile at you. “If only I can figure out what makes her happy, then I will be complete!”
This is just endless futility. You might hit the moving target one out of ten times. You’re like the rat and the cheese, stuck in an endless cycle of pushing the button over and over – since one time cheese came out of the hole.
If you ever hear the words, “You don’t get it!” or any variation thereof, IT’S A RED FLAG or an alarm screaming in your ear, “Stop, pay attention, regroup!”
If you actually want to have a woman who is secure with you, who stays attracted to you and actually wants you is to “Get” yourself!
You do not need a woman to complete you. You have what it takes already. So to “Get it” you must build your solid core. Begin to shift your world from relying on the external validation from your woman to internal realities that exist inside of you.
Figure yourself out. Move from what you want. Find out what makes your heart come alive and gives you passion. Take ownership of your life, be responsible to create the life you want. Move from your solid core. Find out who you really are and where you want to go in life.
I am talking about a significant shift in your life and it won’t be resolved by reading a blogpost. This is a journey of a lifetime which starts by awareness. Be aware of your posture of pleasing. The next time you hear, “You just don’t get it!”, let it kick you hard in the ribs and take the challenge to begin building your life from a new frame of reference, from a solid internal core.
Because we saw data/feedback,
We expect that change will cause impact.
We’ll measure this using metric.